We have agreed we definitely want another baby, the Turk wants another 1 and I would like another 2 (more on this another time). Anyway we definitely want another one at least.
I return to work when Jem is 13 months old, and there was a time when my plan was to attempt to be pregnant by the time I went back to work. Following the birth, I began to rethink this…having a baby and being pregnant are hard. For a long time I have had all my belongings and clothes packed up, first for moving, then building, then pregnancy, in fact I only unpacked my non-maternity clothes when Jem was 10 months old. It might sound silly but it was like saying hello to old friends! Quite a few things I hadn’t missed and am trying to sell/give away. Other things fit me differently due to my changed shape, but it was like discovering new things!
It may sound shallow, but I quite like my things, and I’m looking forward to going back to work and going out socialising dressed up, wearing clothes and jewellery, but if I’m pregnant when I go back I have to be prepared to put this off for another 2 years.
I’m also rather concerned about babies being too close together for us to be able to cope…I have a friend who has 13 months between her kids, I always thought it was cute and good to have them close in age…but now I wonder how on earth I would manage if I was just about to have another baby knowing how active Jem is.
The other issue is a professional one, taking 14 months off work has left me feeling very daunted about returning…how will I remember all the rules, will I still be able to serve my clients, how will I manage being away from home both in the office (my application to work from home has been declined) and also when I have to travel away from home usually for a week at a time. If I am back at work for only a short period of time I am worried I will not thoroughly adapt to being back at work and will then find all these issues even more difficult to tackle the next time I return.
Ideally I would like our babies two years apart (the Turk thinks this is an awfully big gap!) which will give me a month back at work before I fall pregnant, time to get into it before the exhaustion hits and time to get dressed up whilst my clothes still fit! It will still irritate my manager (who refused my application for flexible working…so the annoyance is good) but also I think mean the children are close enough in age to get along well.
At 42 the Turk is keen to complete the family quickly, which I can understand, and he is concerned that just because we fell pregnant at the first attempt (literally…and I’m being generous calling it an attempt, it was actually a lapse…) we might not be so lucky this time and therefore 2 years could easily turn into 3.
I don’t know what the answer is, I’m still pondering, part of me is excited about being pregnant again but part of me is dreading the months ahead, yet another time in parenthood of being torn between two worlds!